chibisu | Ebisu's Inbox

[Kimi does his best to not be too nosy, because there will definitely be plenty of chances to do that in the future. Instead, he just leans in to kiss her back. Unlike when he'd invited her over, he's not wearing his casual clothes, instead still in his work outfit with the sleeves rolled up. As usual, the scent of warm food hangs around him. It's an impossible smell to get rid of for the kitchen regulars of Ebisu's temple, although it changes subtly from day to day.]

It's no problem. Things look like they're rough for your generation of shinki. So do you want to talk about it, or should I just act as an attractive distraction?

More are leaving everyday.

[Ginia hasn't been able to figure out how many people left in the week she spent asleep, but it's not an insignificant amount. Maybe it's more notable because of how many people she knew, but it also feels like she shouldn't be the one hurting as much. She's not the one losing exemplars or lovers. Just friends and she needs to comfort the lovers left behind. Maybe she shouldn't even miss Caster or Archer, but that's not how feelings and memories work either.She drops on the couch and pats the spot next to her, surveying the piles and spread of memories in front of her. Angling a bit so it's easier to sign at him, she heaves another tired sigh.]

You're a very attractive distraction, so it's tempting, but... maybe we should talk. [Ginia glances at the blanket and its distinct bands of color before looking back.] My second god and his exemplar were among the ones to leave. Everyone I knew from that temple is gone now.

[So she could bury everything. Hide all the secrets no one ever has to know. But all buried things either last forever, rot, or bloom, and she's pretty sure nothing can grow any more. Her hands clench together. Is there a gracious lead up or is it better to get right into things? She's never been one for delaying with small talk.]

I think you probably guessed why Unmi's words upset me at the wedding. I slept with Caster while I was his shinki. I also went on a date and made out with my exemplar. I thought I loved them. That was a mistake.

[Ginia isn't sure when she began crying again or why. She wipes at her eyes with the heel of her hand, breath hitching.]

I bet Heaven would hate me if they knew. [She smiles, turning her knives onto herself when she's at her worst.] Nora, got involved with my god and exemplar, I'm the worst.

[Kimi slides into place right besides her, carefully gauging the difference between them. Some people need physical comfort, others need their space and the knowledge they're being listened to. Figuring out which is which can be tricky, sometimes, but paying attention is never a bad thing.]

[There's also a lot to say right from her very first sentence, too, but Kimi stays quiet for that as well. She deserves a second to get everything out of her own planning and accord; this has to be something she's been thinking about for a while. Only when tears start to leak out of her eyes does he start to reach up, only to pull back. Okay, she has this. She has this.]

[Except when she clearly doesn't, and Kimi finally breaches the gap to curl his fingers up along her jaw and into her hair.]

I mean, Heaven thinks everyone in this temple is just heathen cattle, so you're in good company, there.

[There's a lot he could say on Heaven, honestly... but Kimi remembers some words he was told a long time ago and takes in a deep breath. She doesn't need his anger, not right now.]

Are you scared everyone here is going to think the worst of you?

[Ginia leans into his hand. Her hands clasp together as she stares at the assortment of mementos. His hand feels nice. She can't shake the feeling maybe she's too starved of physical contact, but it's nice. He cares.

Slowly, her hands unclasp as she shakes her head.]

Everyone, no. There are a lot of people here. Some?

[It's not as if there's anyone she hates at the temple and vice-versa, but there are a few people she doesn't know as well or gets along with a bit more grudgingly. It also means if they dislike her, it doesn't matter that much.

What does matter are the opinions of the ones close to her. Ginia doesn't think any of them are so shallow in character they'd reject her for poor decisions in emotional and physical intimacy, but people can always be surprising too.]

The temple is big enough I can hide somewhere to work without being found if enough people think the worst. Or request to work at a shrine.

[Ginia forces herself to make eye contact with Kimi. Some days she feels like steel and other days spun glass. What was it in her life that broke her so much? What is it about her that made still worthy in Kimi's eyes?

(She knows, she knows, she knows, but self-destructive running is so much easier to fall into at times.)]

...Maybe it only matters what you think.

[Slowly, his thumb rubs circles along her shoulder, comforting. ]

...If it makes you feel better, it's basically an open secret that I hit on Ebisu once.

[A beat before he hastily raises up one hand.]

When he was an adult! When it wasn't creepy. You've seen the pictures, it wouldn't be creepy then.

[It's very important that he gets this sort of thing out. Adusting himself, he bumps their shoulders together.]

Anyway... Nothing has happened to me yet. And if people can put up with me, then they'll be fine with you. If I can help, then I'll be more than happy to. I'm not going to judge you for anything that happened with your old temple. But it also doesn't matter what I think, in the end, right...?

Because you're more than me. [Leaning in, he presses a quick fleeting kiss to her cheek.]

[Ginia stares at Kimi, gears obviously turning in her mind, an amused smile escaping. It's not as if she hasn't thought Ebisu is hot as an adult, though the feeling is now more the pride of knowing your son will grow up handsome.

So. Okay. With all the people that live in the temple, have lived in the temple, her situation probably isn't that shocking or scandalous and worth batting an eye at. It'll still take time to untangle her feelings from everything else.

Ginia leans against him after the quick kiss. Give her the time and opportunity and she'll slump on him like a large cat. She rubs away her remaining tears and pats her cheeks to refocus.]

You're very important to me, so your opinion matters. [So there's that.]

I guess I'm still figuring out myself. What I want, what I need. What to keep, what to let go of. But I'm trying.

[She's in a place to try to improve herself, that much is clear.]

I think I'm realizing now how hard my first few months were. I didn't do right by my first god, but there was no one else at the temple and she left me alone more often than not.

[Trying to navigate a life without memories and who she was, having space was a mess.]

I left her after two weeks for Caster. I thought it was the right decision. Now, I don't know, but I suppose there's no use dwelling on it either.

That right there is the shinki experience. Actually, it's probably the experience of any person.

[His arm goes around her shoulders, offering a quiet comfort.]]

Even when we come to as fully grown adults, we're still starting life over from a blank slate. It might be a little chipped at the edges, depending, but it's still a blank slate regardless.

Although I think it's more like... When you're trying to figure out a recipe for the first time. Adding things, trying things in a different way, trying to find what you actually want. Sometimes the oven might catch on fire, or you use too much salt... but as long as you're still there, you'll have all the time to figure it out.

And personally, I think most shinki start out with at least one ingredient in their life on fire.

Usually it's the sugar.

Too much salt instead of sugar, what sugar remaining is on fire is a good metaphor for me.

[Of course Kimi goes with the cooking metaphor. It's not wrong though. They're all doing their best to fill in all the blanks with new experiences or uncovering what they already know. It's not as if she's had the hardest time with things; Waver comes to mind as an immediate example of someone struggling against the edges, chipping off more as he tries to make it work.

Maybe the first year is always hell. Can she even make it a year?]

How long did it take for you to realize you were good at cooking? Not metaphorically speaking.

[Hey, lean into what you know, right? And he likes to think that it's a pretty good metaphor. At least, for anyone that knows just the kind of nonsense that can happen in the kitchen.]

[But he's not expecting the metaphor to get more literal, and he rolls his head back onto the couch thoughtfully.]

I mean, with the first temple I was with, there weren't as many people around, so we all had to kind of deal with different, eh... chores, I guess. I wasn't amazing at the beginning, but I picked it up pretty quickly. Then again, I kept doing it a lot. It was a good way to cool down.

Cool down?

[Ginia slides up from her gradual slump against his shoulder. She sits so she can look at him a little more, feet tucking under her.]

What were things like at your first temple? And didn't Ebisu say your vessel forms are all cooking utensils?

[It's hard to imagine Kimi not as a good cook, but maybe that's a benefit of time and repetition. She still suspects it's something he did in life, but maybe linked forms have a way of pointing toward the future too.]

[Teasingly, he sways his fingers side to side in time with the sing-song tone his voice has taken on.]

I~ had~ a~ temper~.

Or rather, me and my first god probably just had a bad habit of getting on each other's nerves. It wasn't a really big place, just three shinki and a god. They were fine to go along with things, but me and her had ssssssssome differences of opinion that didn't really settle. Ever.

[Ginia scrutinizes Kimi a little, having a hard time imagining him with a temper, but she knows she's meeting him a long time later. What she can see is someone who channeled his temper into charm.

It's still hard imagining him angry though.]

What kind of god was she?

[Beat.]

Was she a combat god?

Something like that. Definitely someone whose business was firmly in protection and stuff, you know. Despite that, she liked to pretend she was elegant and detached.

[Scrunching up his lips, he taps one finger at his jaw.]

It probably says something that I managed to get her into a full day yelling argument.

I don't know if it says more about you or her.

[Takes two to continue a fight after all. But there's a bit of fondness as she signs that too.]

Did you leave or did she kick you out?

Uh. Yes?

[He laughs a little bit, sheepish.]

It was a "you can't fire me, I quit" sort of things, where we were kind of just tossing shit at each other to see what stuck, and then carrying through because we were too heated to stop ourselves. I think we both kind of wanted the other to apologize first?

Except that never happened.

And also we live forever. Which is kind of a problem when you get really stubborn, as it turns out.

Am I going to have to fight a god to defend your honor and well-being or is she gone now?

[She'd throw down without any hesitation, though she imagines she's not the only one with how well-liked he is. A diplomatic touch is probably better, but never let it be said Ginia won't do everything to protect the ones she cares about.

Her finger winds around a stray curl as she considers her own stubbornness. The things she wanted to hear, or thought she wanted to hear.]

There was a point I might have gone back to Caster if he asked for me to come back. It would have been a mistake, but love makes you stupid, so the adage goes. And I knew he wouldn't love me. I knew the legends around him, the stories he told. [It's her turn to huff sheepishly.] I should have asked more for his stories, his perspective, than doing my own research.

[The legend and person cannot be separated, they're good to know, but they aren't the only thing to judge someone by.

Ginia grabs the nudibranch plush and doubles over, burying her face against the soft fabric as she silently screams. God, does she feel like an idiot. With time and space to process everything, mixed emotions churn inside her. She sits back up and pouts at Kimi, signing rapidly in her agitation, colorful plush still on her lap.]

Sorry. Back to you. How did you end up joining Ebisu's temple?

I mean, who knows. Not me. I left, and then didn't go back because I didn't want to prove her right. I'm guessing she didn't come looking for me for the same reason.

[Leaning over her, he gently rubs his hand along her back, fingers gently kneading into the tense muscles there.]

We're shinki. A lot of times, especially in the beginning, our emotions are all we have.

[Distinctly human emotions, the kind of thing which they use to guide their gods... As she straightens up, he flashes a smile to her. Nudibranch plush is officially hers for the time being.]

Anyway, a month of running away from ayakashi, and I found myself near one of his temples just looking up at it while I wondered aloud "Wow, it sure would be nice to live in a plush temple like this!"

Which is around the time Ebisu-sama happened to teleport behind me and said "Alright, sure", which almost killed me a second time in surprise.

[His attitude is impressively nonchalant, but if he doesn't care and nothing has happened after all this time, then it doesn't feel there's any more to say about it. Ginia presses into his hand, relaxing as she listens.]

Ebisu isn't very choosy about naming people, is he? Ah, not judging, just... it's surprising.

[But maybe there's a certain type of person that ends up finding their way to Ebisu too.]

You know... one reason I left my first god for Caster because I liked his temple more. My first temple was stark white, smooth reflective surfaces, a glow to everything. Very sci-fi? I couldn't stand being inside it. She had nice gardens though.

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